pop! went the question

As per your requests, here is the long-awaited story of how I proposed to my husband.  :)

Joel and I went on our first date in April, the night before I went home from college for the summer.  We talked some over the summer, dated on and off during the school year, around February decided to date each other exclusively, and almost exactly a year after our first date, got engaged.  

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon, my last before going home for the summer again.  Joel and I liked to take walks at the park on sunny Sunday afternoons, so he came down [he wasn't attending the same school as I was] and off we went.  As we were driving to the park, I asked, "Is it okay if we go to a different park this week?  The one we usually go to is really busy, and I just found this cool other one that's not too busy.  It might be fun for our last sunny Sunday afternoon walk to go somewhere less crowded."  He agreed, thinking I was just being sentimental.  Ohhhh no.  I was setting it all up.  

We laid out a gigantic beach towel on the wet grass and sat down to chat for a while before walking around.  I needed to be home in half an hour to make Oatmeal Craisin Patties with my roommate before dinner, so I wanted to make sure I had enough time to pop the question without being rushed.

It was a pleasant chitchat.  And then...

"Do you remember how you told me once that sometimes a person has to make a decision first in order to know if it's the right one?"

"Yes."

"And how it can be scary, but sometimes you have to do something to know it's the right thing?"  [Joel later told me that he was DYING because he thought I was breaking up with him for the summer.]

"Yes."

At this point we were sitting cross-legged, so I elegantly got up (instead of down) onto one knee and then said some romantic things that ended with, "Joel [Middle Name] Johnson, will you marry me?"

He didn't get it.  

Or at least, he didn't get that it wasn't... a joke, maybe?  Because all he could say for like, five minutes, were variations on "Are you serious?"  

I finally convinced him that I was, in fact, serious, and presented him with a color-changing plastic ring I'd gotten at the Career Fair that he could put on my finger.  And that was that!  We were officially engaged.

taken right after the proposal

We waited until later that evening to tell people - that was one of the stipulations I'd made.  I was pretty nervous about getting engaged because it WAS one of those situations for me, where you have to make a decision and then later learn if it's right or wrong.  I was scared about deciding to be engaged and then finding out I was wrong, so right after we celebrated getting engaged, I told him it was on a trial basis.  I was still waiting for spiritual confirmation, so I asked him to promise and understand that if I got a confirmation and found out we weren't supposed to be engaged, we'd break it off.  He graciously agreed.  So anyway, we waited until later in the evening to tell people because I was hoping I'd find out soon if we were wrong.  

after getting the ring

The rest of the week was a whirlwind!  As you might remember, it was the last Sunday before I headed home, so we only had about four days of being in the same state while engaged.  Monday was my last day of finals, and then Monday evening we went ring shopping for the first time and bought both of our rings.  Tuesday I had to pack and work; Joel picked me up from work and proposed in the same park with the ring.  On Wednesday we got our engagement pictures taken; Thursday, he helped us [my brother, friend, and I] pack our storage unit; and Friday, I went home for the summer.

engagements!

We got married three and a half months later.

on not settling

I heard about a book today.  It's called Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.  The argument of the book is that people who don't match every quality on "My future spouse will be..." lists still make good spouses.  I agree with that.  I also agree with the idea that sometimes we put unimportant things on our "Important Qualities" lists.  But I hate the idea of telling someone to "settle."  Adjust what's most important, sure.  Being able to play the guitar or having blue eyes probably isn't essential.  (I don't know your life; maybe they are.)  But don't settle for someone you don't want in hopes that s/he will become who you want.  Look for someone you do want!  Or a job you want, a GPA, a dog, a house, whatever you're making a list about.  

I'll say this: My family visited us recently and brought with them a bunch of stuff I'd been storing at their house.  Included was a list I wrote when I was 15 of qualities I wanted my future husband to have.  It's a full page, people.  Three columns.  And my husband fits every one of them.

___________________________________________

"[Families] build new traditions, and they pass these on to their children and friends, spreading a simple value - that we are stronger together than alone."  - Po Bronson, Why Do I Love These People?

let down - and I gave you such a good chance!

Well, I obviously spoke too soon.

Dear ABC + writers of Once Upon A Time,
You are dumb.  And also, potential babies are NOT the only reason to keep a marriage together, contrary to apparently popular belief.  The whole problem would've been solved if she'd just let him run out of the cafe.  Why did she decide to chase him anyway? 

Disappointed,
alisonmj

Once Upon A Time

There's not as much respect for marriage as there used to be, but I've been pleasantly surprised a new favorite show!

A year or so ago, we found a show we loved called "Flash Forward."  There was a part that was disappointing, though.  (Quick premise: Everyone in the world saw 2 minutes of their futures.)  One of the characters in the show saw herself having an affair and was shocked and horrified, so she did everything she could to avoid the man in real life because she wanted to be faithful to her husband.  Sadly, the man did not have the same values and tried multiple times to convince her that it wasn't bad because they loved each other.  In the end, her husband did a few things (including giving in a couple of times to alcoholic tendencies) that caused her to decide perhaps the other man was right. As if to say, if your spouse messes up, it's okay to stop being faithful.  Ridiculous.

A couple of months ago, a new show started called "Suburgatory."  It's kind of an odd show, and we were trying to decide if we liked it.  A little while in, they decided to have a married woman develop a crush on a single dad.  He opposes it, which was good, but the worst part was that the woman is pretty likeable + her husband is always out of town and you kind of even forget that she has one because he's never on the show.  I was freaked out when I found myself almost wishing it would work out between the single dad and the married lady, so we stopped watching it. 

A couple of weeks ago, we decided to start watching ABC's "Once Upon A Time."  Premise: A town is comprised of fairy tale characters, but a witch put a curse on them & none of them remember their fairy tale lives.  Snow White (Mary Margaret in the normal world) and Prince Charming (James) were married and had a baby in the fairy tale world before the curse came.  Well, in the real world, James is recovering after being in a coma and MM is the hospital volunteer helping him.  They fall in love and then find out James was married before going in the coma.  He doesn't remember his wife, and part of him remembers Snow White, which is why he loves MM.  He keeps trying to get her to date him.  It's interesting because he is married and should be faithful to his wife, but he was married to MM first!  Later in the show, he leaves his wife because he doesn't love her, and on the way to meeting MM to see if she wants to date, his memories all come back.  When he gets there to meet her, he says, "I still like you a lot, but now I remember loving [my wife], and I have to honor that.  I'm sorry."

During the entire show, MM and her friend emphasize that he is married and it would be wrong for her to interfere.  She firmly decides not to do anything to come between him and his wife, even though she loves him. Anyway, to make a long story a tiny bit shorter, thank you, ABC, for giving proper respect to the sanctity of marriage and the importance of honoring that commitment.  Not many shows or characters do that these days.  I am very impressed.