late night hashtags: #whyimsingle

A couple weeks ago on his late night show, Jimmy Fallon asked people to post things to Twitter with the hashtag #whyimsingle.  When the show was over, Joel and I went to Twitter and looked at what funny things people had posted.

I'll admit, I haven't always had the highest self-esteem, and there are still days when I struggle.  But some of what I read on Twitter made me so sad.

"Still don't understand #whyimsingle... I was cute that one time."

"because I don't meet people's looks standards"

"I'm ugly, boys don't like me, and that's it"

"because I look like this"

"There is nothing to love about me"

"wanna know why i'm single? one word... face."

"there's a reason why i'm single and it's called my face."

"well just look at me"

"because I'm convinced I deserve this: (picture of cute boys)"

"I know nobody likes me."

"Because who would love a girl with huge thighs, cuts up and down her arms and legs, and an ugly face?"

Recently I heard someone, in front of girls her own age and much younger (read: still dressing like princesses), talking about how she was so ugly she needed plastic surgery.  I later told Joel I never want our daughters to hear people they look up to talking like that, regardless of whether they're part of the conversation or paying attention.  

In my experience, there are two major groups of people who call themselves ugly: those who really have issues and need help, and those who don't - people who think it's funny or acceptable or want someone to tell them they're wrong. (I'm not discounting their insecurities - probably all of us have days or moments where we don't feel 100% about ourselves.)  I had some rough years self-esteem wise growing up, and when I hear people discuss their insecurities with so much exaggeration, my experiences feel... is cheapened the right word?  When you talk vehemently about hating your body when you don't, I literally feel sick.  You make me feel like you cannot possibly understand real struggles people have regarding their bodies if you can make such jokes about them. 

Think of someone you love and admire.  A hero.  Imagine (s)he gave you a car.  How many of you would drive it around, with him/her in the passenger seat, complaining about how ugly it was?  And yet, how many of us do exactly that about our bodies?

Please, ladies and gentlemen.  Stop talking this way.  Stop teaching children it's okay to hate their bodies.  Stop shoving God's greatest creation in His face and telling Him it's not good enough.  When you talk about it over and over and over and over with so many people, it just gets worse.  You think about  it longer and more often; it becomes more real.  And you make it harder for me, too.

I'm pretty happy with my body.  It's a different weight than I wish it were, but I have learned to appreciate that that's me.  That's my body.  It is a gift and it is wonderful, and even though I have occasional rough patches, keeping that attitude has really been working out for me.  I purposely haven't weighed myself in three years because it only results in negativity.  When I go to the doctor, I stand on the scale backwards and ask the nurse not to tell me.  But when I hear my thin friend call herself fat, I feel like a whale.  And I'm not a whale!  If she can call herself fat when she's obviously not, what in the world does she think about me when I weigh more?  So I suck in.  Or I hold a blanket or pillow over my belly.  Or I leave the room, stand up to straighten the skin folds, or bury my face in a book so I can tune out the world.  And that's not fair.

Are you responsible for my self-esteem?  Of course not.  And the fact that your insecurities remind me of my own are merely a sign that I have more improvements to make.  But please.  Can we please support each other?  Can we please stop pretending like it's okay to trash talk our bodies?  Can we please accept ourselves as we are and help others do the same?  I'm not asking you to throw out your makeup or stop trying to lose weight, but please start letting yourself see that you are, in fact, good enough.  My future children will learn too soon that it's an option to dislike their bodies, but you can bet they will not learn it from my example.  And I'm asking you to please be a good example, too.    

As for those of you who think you're single because of how you look, learn what you can do to dress in more flattering clothes or learn to use makeup properly, and then get used to yourself.  Learn to like you.  Your confidence will make you more attractive than your attractiveness will.  

"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?  For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."  - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

___________________________________________

"The three dresses of the sun, moon, and stars she put into a nutshell, put on her mantle of all kinds of fur, and blackened her face and hands with soot.  Then she commended herself to God, and went away, and walked the whole night until she reached a great forest."
"Allerleirauh," Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales

"De qué me sirve la vida," por Camila

This video is one of my favorite reminders that every single person - whether or not we know them, no matter their opinions or whether we agree - is a person, just like me.  Every person has hopes and dreams and fears and worries, just like I do.  It's easy to see people just as other humans walking around; it takes more effort to remember we're all so alike.

Basically it says, "What good is life to me if I have to live it without you?"which can be interpreted as just a love song, but I think it also applies to people around us.  What good is life if we have to live it without each other?  The point of this life is to learn to love and serve, to make families, and to learn to be Christlike.  If each of us were isolated with no human contact, what good would living do?  We need each other.

Yes, most of the examples in this video are sad.  That's not to say that every person is sad or has some depressing secret.  I, personally, am pretty happy.  I have bad days, too, though.  You never know if it's someone's good or bad day.  All the people in the video look "normal" and have something sad in their lives.  To me, it says that everyone has their own struggles and we don't always know each others', so we should be kind to everyone, no matter what.  "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

Edit: Some of you asked what the song was saying.  Here is a "more or less" translation. :)

English translations of the posters people hold up:
"Your words are knives."  "I have AIDS. Don't be afraid of me."  "Listen."  "My family abandoned me. I have nothing."  "I am addicted to suffering."  "No one loves me. I am worth nothing."  "I have AIDS. Don't be afraid of me." (again)  "I also dream. I also am human."  "My name is Martín. My dad makes me rob people in the streets. I am not a criminal. What am I supposed to do?"  "My name is Julián. I am gay. I was kicked out of my house. They tell me I am a punishment, a curse / damnation."  "My name is Ana. I see myself as fat. Ugly. Horrible. I am disgusted by myself."  "My name is Beatriz. I am 13 years old. My stepfather raped me."  "They wrote this for me. I am illiterate."  "[Beatriz] And my dignity?"  "I am an alcoholic. My only friend is the drink. My family left me. I have nothing."  "Don't discriminate against me."  "[Beatriz] Will you also sexually abuse me?"  "They killed my brothers and now, who will protect me?"  "I am also gay."  "What did I do to you? Why can you not accept me as I am? Why can I not love without hiding?"  "I am María. I am 16 years old. I am pregnant. My parents don't know."  "I need love, too. Don't make fun of me."  "[María] My boyfriend left me. What do I do now? I am afraid."  "My husband hits me. I live terrified."  "In this second, a woman dies because of domestic violence.  She could be your friend, your mother, or even you."  "Should I tell that he hits me? Or should I be quiet? What would you do?"  "Respect others."  "Yes. I'm fat. Obese. And?"  "If you see or know about familial abuse, do something. Report it."  "Don't give up hope. All will be well."  "Don't waste time. Ask for help. Now."  "Don't hurt. Don't kill."  "I'm Julie. They shut me up in an asylum."  "Accept."  "[Julie] I carry solitude with me as I live."  "I live in a nursing home. I am a nuisance to my family.  Please don't ignore me."  "I want to commit suicide."  "You're not alone."  "I feel for you."  "Fight!"  "Don't be quiet. Break the silence."  "Don't ignore others' pain. Help!"  "Accept those who are different and think differently."  "I'm Esteban. I get beat up at school. My teachers and parents ignore me."  "Have hope."  "Open your mind. Open your heart."  "Never stop dreaming."  "Never stop acting / doing something."  "Learn. Change."  "Open your eyes to the soul."  "I also have rights."  "Share. We need you."  "Enough with violence."  "Live without fear. Love exists."  "Participate."  

Lent

I like observing Lent.  Sometimes it's hard to work on a goal for a year or some indefinite amount of time, like ones we make for the New Year or things that I just know I need to improve on, but it's easy to set a goal for 40 days.  And after the 40 days (unlike a week or two weeks), often whatever I've chosen has turned into a habit... so I like Lent.  I keep track of every single day and how I've done, and I kind of feel like I failed Lent if I miss even just a couple of days.  I take it very seriously.

My freshman year, I gave up Facebook to keep myself from wasting so much time.  After the 40 days, it took me a while before I started using it again because I got so used to not using it.  I missed zero days.  It was really nice.

Sophomore year I gave up not reading my scriptures everyday.  I got that idea from my sister, to give up not doing something.  I should've made that a 40-day goal a long time ago.  I only missed two or three days.

Last year I gave up being negative about school because I recognized that my negativity was having negative effects on my husband's attitude and making me hate school.  For the first time (I think) since I started at BYU, I worked really really hard and got all A's that semester.

This year, I have given up dirty dishes.  Now let me just say that this semester has been the busiest and hardest semester I have ever had, almost without comparison.  As such, I don't always have time to do the dishes, and even with Lent, I still don't.  But I do try to make time everyday to do some dishes, and even just that much has helped.  Joel does a lot of them since I don't have as much time, but at least this way I feel like I'm helping contribute some cleaning.

Are any of you doing Lent?  What did you give up?  What would you give up if you were doing Lent?  You can always start late! :)