late night hashtags: #whyimsingle

A couple weeks ago on his late night show, Jimmy Fallon asked people to post things to Twitter with the hashtag #whyimsingle.  When the show was over, Joel and I went to Twitter and looked at what funny things people had posted.

I'll admit, I haven't always had the highest self-esteem, and there are still days when I struggle.  But some of what I read on Twitter made me so sad.

"Still don't understand #whyimsingle... I was cute that one time."

"because I don't meet people's looks standards"

"I'm ugly, boys don't like me, and that's it"

"because I look like this"

"There is nothing to love about me"

"wanna know why i'm single? one word... face."

"there's a reason why i'm single and it's called my face."

"well just look at me"

"because I'm convinced I deserve this: (picture of cute boys)"

"I know nobody likes me."

"Because who would love a girl with huge thighs, cuts up and down her arms and legs, and an ugly face?"

Recently I heard someone, in front of girls her own age and much younger (read: still dressing like princesses), talking about how she was so ugly she needed plastic surgery.  I later told Joel I never want our daughters to hear people they look up to talking like that, regardless of whether they're part of the conversation or paying attention.  

In my experience, there are two major groups of people who call themselves ugly: those who really have issues and need help, and those who don't - people who think it's funny or acceptable or want someone to tell them they're wrong. (I'm not discounting their insecurities - probably all of us have days or moments where we don't feel 100% about ourselves.)  I had some rough years self-esteem wise growing up, and when I hear people discuss their insecurities with so much exaggeration, my experiences feel... is cheapened the right word?  When you talk vehemently about hating your body when you don't, I literally feel sick.  You make me feel like you cannot possibly understand real struggles people have regarding their bodies if you can make such jokes about them. 

Think of someone you love and admire.  A hero.  Imagine (s)he gave you a car.  How many of you would drive it around, with him/her in the passenger seat, complaining about how ugly it was?  And yet, how many of us do exactly that about our bodies?

Please, ladies and gentlemen.  Stop talking this way.  Stop teaching children it's okay to hate their bodies.  Stop shoving God's greatest creation in His face and telling Him it's not good enough.  When you talk about it over and over and over and over with so many people, it just gets worse.  You think about  it longer and more often; it becomes more real.  And you make it harder for me, too.

I'm pretty happy with my body.  It's a different weight than I wish it were, but I have learned to appreciate that that's me.  That's my body.  It is a gift and it is wonderful, and even though I have occasional rough patches, keeping that attitude has really been working out for me.  I purposely haven't weighed myself in three years because it only results in negativity.  When I go to the doctor, I stand on the scale backwards and ask the nurse not to tell me.  But when I hear my thin friend call herself fat, I feel like a whale.  And I'm not a whale!  If she can call herself fat when she's obviously not, what in the world does she think about me when I weigh more?  So I suck in.  Or I hold a blanket or pillow over my belly.  Or I leave the room, stand up to straighten the skin folds, or bury my face in a book so I can tune out the world.  And that's not fair.

Are you responsible for my self-esteem?  Of course not.  And the fact that your insecurities remind me of my own are merely a sign that I have more improvements to make.  But please.  Can we please support each other?  Can we please stop pretending like it's okay to trash talk our bodies?  Can we please accept ourselves as we are and help others do the same?  I'm not asking you to throw out your makeup or stop trying to lose weight, but please start letting yourself see that you are, in fact, good enough.  My future children will learn too soon that it's an option to dislike their bodies, but you can bet they will not learn it from my example.  And I'm asking you to please be a good example, too.    

As for those of you who think you're single because of how you look, learn what you can do to dress in more flattering clothes or learn to use makeup properly, and then get used to yourself.  Learn to like you.  Your confidence will make you more attractive than your attractiveness will.  

"What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?  For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."  - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

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"The three dresses of the sun, moon, and stars she put into a nutshell, put on her mantle of all kinds of fur, and blackened her face and hands with soot.  Then she commended herself to God, and went away, and walked the whole night until she reached a great forest."
"Allerleirauh," Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales

not too small for a mouse

As a general rule, I don't mind chore-type work.  Straightening, organizing, scrubbing - I don't always want to start doing it, but once I do, I'm fine.  There is, however, one exception:

Taking care of dried food crumbs.

When I wipe a countertop, table, microwave, or stove, I walk around with the trash can and wipe crumbs into it.  Even thinking about wiping them into my hand literally makes me feel nauseous.  Like right now.  I would rather clean 100 other people's toilets than my own dry food crumbs.  I don't even mind cleaning wet old food - like rotten stuff from the fridge.  Just please don't give me the crumbs.  At least, don't make me touch them.

I have to go distract myself now.

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"Turn and peep, turn and peep, / No blood is in the shoe, / 

The shoe is not too small for her, / The true bride rides with you."

"Cinderella," Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales

Halloween, Johnson style

Joel's work has a Halloween party every year, and for the past three Halloweens, Joel's costumes have been the talk of the office!  It's hard to think of another good one every year, but somehow we've managed it so far!  It's fun to do costumes that utilize his height, so this year he went as "something that everyone wants and loves..."

The long skinny [teal] piece in Tetris.  It was a hit!  He had the Tetris song playing on his phone all day, and when he first walked into the office, he got a standing ovation.  Nice! :)

I had a hard time deciding on my costume, too.  If I went as something I thought was funny [like last year when I was a hipster], none of the students would get it, and if I went as something they loved [like a Disney channel character], I wouldn't think it was cool.  Or so I thought...

I sewed about a thousand strips of crépe paper onto a white t-shirt, covered two party hats with the same streamers, and voila!  A piñata!  And when the kids at school would hit the piñata, aka give me a high-five, they got a piece of candy.  It was so much fun!  Everyone loved my costume. :)

At night, a friend came over and we watched Halloweentown - a DCOM classic - and answered the door for a million cute trick-or-treaters.  When one batch of my students came by a second time [with masks so as not to be recognized], I even got to use the line, "What do you think I am, a piñata?"

I love Halloween!

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“'You know what, Harry?  If he doesn’t stop trying to save your life he’s going to kill you.'”

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

"give yourself grace"

Today I read the phrase "give yourself grace," which immediately got me thinking.  I'm not perfect - if I make a goal to do something every day or to never do it, chances are good that I'll miss at least one of those days.  But Christ offers us grace, so why shouldn't we offer it to ourselves?  This phrase can apply to so many different situations.  The author who used it was referring to blogging on a schedule but allowing yourself breaks when you need them.  I immediately thought of my friend Kathleen's post about appreciating yourself, including your body.  It could also be applied to how often you clean your house or practice your instrument.  Maybe you have a personality trait that you wish were different.  Whatever the imperfection, "give yourself grace."  Don't punish yourself for every flaw or misstep.  Allow yourself grace.  When you maintain a positive attitude about yourself, it's easier to recognize that changes don't happen immediately and then continue to make small improvements.  Then maybe you'll have to give yourself grace less often. :)

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"'Hagrid, you live in a wooden house.'"  - J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

alisonism #18: quickly and correctly

I love this question.  As soon as I read it, I knew I wanted to answer it.  It actually took me a while to think of something to write about, though, surprisingly enough.  Not because there's not anything, but because nothing I thought of was something I wanted to write about.  After several weeks, I've narrowed it down to two things I feel like blogging about right now: cleaning a bathroom, and grocery shopping.

1. Cleaning a bathroom

not me

I was a janitor for a long time.  My family frequented a pool growing up, and when I was old enough to get a job, the pool was a good place to get one.  They liked me there, plus it was close to home.  There was one issue, though - I was way too nervous to be a lifeguard.  I did NOT want anyone putting their well-being in my care, just in case something happened and I lost my mind.  So my mom suggested I ask to be the poolhouse janitor.  It was a pretty disgusting poolhouse, I was a good cleaner, and I wouldn't be responsible for anyone else's life.  A match made in heaven!  When I called the manager and offered to create / fill the position, she was a little wary.  "We usually just have the lifeguards clean the poolhouse when they lock up..."  "I know.  That's why it stinks in there."  I got the job, I think on a trial basis.  I think she wanted to see if it was worth it to pay someone to do a job that other people were already doing.  

Ohhhhh man, was I worth it!  I was so worth it, in fact, that people raved about the clean smell when they walked in and complained when we were on vacation.  That job has gone only to my siblings since I moved away from home.   

I learned how to be an efficient bathroom cleaner at that job, and cleaning one thoroughly only takes me a few minutes.  If you're using a bathroom right after I've cleaned it, your bum is probably sitting on the cleanest toilet it's ever seen.    Whaaaaat!

Credit where it's due: We (my sisters, mom, and I) had a system worked out where, after the first month or two, one person usually worked with me (two man hours' worth of work and pay during one hour of time = more efficient).  They're really great bathroom cleaners, too.  

2. Grocery shopping

I am not a couponer.  I buy into a fruit / vegetable co-op, which costs $8/week.  We go to the store when we need milk and / or bread.  Otherwise, I only go shopping about once a month, sometimes less often.  This month I only spent $125 on a 7' receipt!  Literally.  I measured it.  And it wasn't the kind of receipt that has a million ads on it to make it longer, either.  There were 151 items and I only used one coupon (worth $5).  That shopping trip was at one store and took one hour, and we won't have to go again for a long time.  It takes me 30-60 seconds to look through a grocery ad and decide if anything's price makes it worth buying.  I plan our meals around what's on sale, and we're not just eating rice and beans over here, people!  We eat really tasty food.  I enjoy grocery shopping because of how awesome I feel afterward - I know that's difficult for some of you to understand.  But take note!  Because next time you're complaining about your grocery budget or shopping and I offer to help, teach, or go with you, now you know that I'm being serious.  For me, that stuff's fun!  :)

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"…[G]reat was her terror lest she should waken one of them.  But God helped her, and she got safely over."

"The Robber Bridegroom," Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales

alisonism #17: jazzberry jam

As some of you (probably none of you) remember from my first post ever, my favorite color is orange.  Well, I have breaking news!  This has been a long time coming.  I officially decided last Wednesday that my second favorite color is purple.  Not as in, #2, second favorite.  As in, I have two favorite colors now, and one of them is purple.  

I debated for a long time - I know I like purple, but do I like it enough to call it a favorite?  That's really commitment. 

Also, when I was like, 12, a girl who I thought was cool made fun of purple and people whose favorite color it was.  So I had some weird residual effects from that...obviously... 

Well, the votes are in!  Yes, I do like purple enough to call it a favorite color!  Not lilac-y shades, but other ones.  Aubergine, byzantine, dark magenta, dark orchid, deep magenta, dark violet, jazzberry jam, fuschia, grape's okay, Mardi Gras, patriarch, purple, purple (Munsell), red-violet, royal fuschia, violet (RYB)... Those are my favorites, using, of course, the "official" names as per shadesofpurple.facts.co.  If that's not an official website for the color purple, I don't know what is. 

To conclude, I worked hard to find some ridiculous purple art for you, made by people who are obsessed.  It's impossible to know how many times I thought, "Someone took the time to make this?" while scrolling through the entries.  Enjoy.  

It bears repeating: Someone took the time to make this?

Of course!

I really don't get this one.  What does the horse have to do with purple?

Maybe she just got this coat for Christmas.

Not much to say about this. The next one, on the other hand...

What big eyes you have! Probably because she's looking at something purple and is...

...100% purple addict!

I'll let you decide which of these comes from a salon called Glamarama.

I guess that thing in the corner could be purple. I have no idea what anything in this picture is.

Does that make me an adolescent girl?

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"And as on that account she always looked dusty and dirty, they called her Cinderella."

"Cinderella," Grimm's Complete Fairy Tales

true love

Pink has a song called "True Love" that's been popular on the radio here lately.  (It's catchy, but if you look it up, consider this your warning that the radio bleeps out a few words.)  It came on the radio tonight while I was driving to the store for milk, and I noticed a particular line that I always notice when this song comes on: "Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face."  That line is so funny to me.  She doesn't just want to slap him in the face; she wants to slap him in his whole face.  I always picture something between this:

GIFSoup

and this: 

make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

and it makes me smile every time. :)

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"After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."  - Albus Dumbledore, J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone