nighttime musings

Sometimes I can't sleep because I can't get my mind to stop thinking.  It usually doesn't stop until I get whatever's filling up my brain out - often through writing.  Once they're out, I can sleep.  Thus, nighttime musings.  :)  These thoughts were triggered by conversations I've been part of lately. 



Isn't it interesting how we look at people who have qualities or traits we want, and assume they're happy because they have those traits?

The average or overweight woman sees a naturally thin woman, and thinks [if only subconsciously] that woman believes she has a perfect body.

The shy woman sees a woman speaking confidently in front of a crowd, and thinks that woman has never had trouble making friends.

Did you know that the thin woman, too, has to feel good about how she looks before she goes shopping for clothes?  ("But doesn't she always feel good?" we think.  "She has the perfect body.")

To you she does.

Did you know the woman you see speaking confidently can only do so in front of crowds?  Put her one-on-one and she clams up.  How many friends have you made from in front of a crowd?

Remember -

Just because she fits your picture of perfect doesn't mean she fits hers.  How often do we remember that we are all here fighting similar fights?

But also.  Does it ever make you wonder if you are someone else's picture of perfect?

Does that thought make you realize you're better than you sometimes remember,  and that you're doing pretty alright?

I hope so.

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“Quite honestly,” he turned away from the painted portraits, thinking now only of the four-poster bed lying waiting for him in Gryffindor Tower, and wondering whether Kreacher might bring him a sandwich there, “I’ve had enough trouble for a lifetime.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Half birthdays are fun. :)

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“Hang on a moment!” said Ron sharply. “We’ve forgotten…the house-elves!  We should tell them to get out.  We don’t want any more Dobbies, do we?  We can’t order them to die for us - "  There was a clatter as the basilisk fangs cascaded out of Hermione’s arms.  Running at Ron, she flung them around his neck and kissed him full on the mouth.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Gaston, may I have my book back please?

As I was catching up on a couple blogs last night, I read a post whose author is trying to read more.  She ended the post with this statement: "I always have good intentions when I buy a book." 

WHAT?
When I buy a book, good luck getting me to do anything BUT read it.
That's why I don't buy books as often as I want to.
(That, and I'm a sucker for new [not used] books, and new books are expensive.)

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“Do not pity the dead, Harry.  Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

because you asked: in stitches

(this post written last Monday)

I got stitches today.  WHAT?!   It doesn't seem real yet.  Stitches seem like something monumental or that you plan for (even though I know they're not).  Here's what happened... 

Alright, that pizza dough will be ready to bake right after piano lessons.  Nice!  I'm excited for that.  Ok, it's 3:25.  They'll be here really soon!  I should move these stacks of tile so they have a way to get into the piano room.  Oh, these are a little heavier than I thought.  Woah, especially that pile.  I'll just put it down so I can take them a couple at a -- "OUCH!"  [Looks down]  Oh my gosh, my hand is *covered* in blood.  I'm going to get it all over the carpet!  [jolt]  Hellooo.  It's not on the carpet yet!  Just use your other hand to hold it and go wash it off.  [So I did.]  [Wash hand in sink.  Take hand out of water.  It immediately is covered in blood again.  The doorbell rings.]  What should I hold this with?  I don't want to ruin the - oh well, it's just a towel.  "Oh, hi!  How am I?  Actually, I just cut myself really bad.  Can I have a minute?"  I tried to get a bandaid and Piano Lesson helped me put it on.  Four seconds later... "Maybe you should just keep using the towel because you're already dripping through the bandaid."  "Oh, sorry...  Oh my gosh, I hope I didn't drip on her!  Do you mind if we don't do piano today?  I don't think I could concentrate."  I then went into shock, suddenly feeling freezing cold, covered in sweat, and holding back vomit.

She left and I called Joel.  "Do you need me to come home?"  "I don't know. but I can't make dinner tonight."

Kids: "Have they come yet?  Can we have our popcorn?"  Me: "I will come downstairs and watch the movie with you, but please don't talk to or play with me."  

Then I called Dad, holding back tears because I was starting to visualize how bad it was, and asked what to do.  "How long has it been bleeding?"  "What time is it?"  "Quarter til the hour."  "Ok, then 15 minutes."  "You should call Joel and have him come home and take you to the doctor."  My dad is amazing, by the way, and always makes me feel better in these kinds of situations.  He is so calm and knows everything.

"Joel?  I called my dad and he says you need to come home."  And Joel immediately left work.

I sat by the Lovesac putting pressure on my finger, clenching my teeth and occasionally moaning when the pain got awful.  Accidentally raised my voice once at Child A when I'd found a comfy position resting on the Lovesac and he decided to use that moment to jump on it.

Joel got home.  We went in the bathroom to check and see if it was still bleeding.  It was.  35 minutes.  We called a friend, who rushed over and ran in.  I am so thankful for her.  We left and were checked in at the Instacare by someone much more concerned with the person on the telephone, and proceeded to wait in the waiting room.  65 minutes.  Teeth were clenching so hard.  Joel was trying his best to distract me with conversation.  "I'm sorry, I'm trying - I'm just not a conversationalist."  We were called back!  His name was Dr. Totem-bootie.  (That's just how it sounded, I'm sure.:)  Blood pressure and weight taken.  My BP is really good! especially considering the circumstances.  The nurse took off the towel - "Oh yeah, this needs stitches."  Great.  She washed it and numbed me up.  The numbing shots stunk!  Because of the location of the cut, the needle kind of had to be parallel to my finger.  If you've never had a shot like that in your finger, pray you never do.  Especially not a million so the numbing medicine is everywhere.  On the plus side, man! that stuff works!  It is amazing that a doctor can sew you up without you feeling a thing.  "All done! Look!"  Why in the world did you tell me to look at THAT when you knew I was consciously not watching you work?  That is DISGUSTING.  So I looked away.

Tetanus shot = easiest thing ever.  (and not just comparatively speaking)  She washed my finger again, bandaged me up huge with a lot of absorber pads because I was bleeding again, and we were done!  Not quite painless, but it sure was quick and relatively easy. 

Awards go to Joel, Friend, and my dad, for making the night infinitely better than it could've been.  Also, to Panda Express for our dinner, and the kids, for being really good while it mattered.  Other thankfuls: 1) My finger is not missing.  2) It was me and not the kids.  

Now, when to bake the pizza dough that's been rising for hours....

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“I’ll distract them all,” Luna said.  “Use your cloak.”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

the "why"'s

Try not to be jealous that I have the best parents ever!  (Sorry, you're probably sick of hearing about people you might not even know.  Allow me one more gush post.)

make the bed every day - My parents' bed is always made.  How is that possible?!

keep the bedroom clean - Okay, they have to clean their room every once in a while.  But I remember, all growing up, being amazed that they always kept their bedroom clean.  (That was a hard one for me haha:)

empty the dishwasher every morning - My dad empties the dishwasher every morning, usually before anyone gets up (so there's almost never pile-up in the sink).  He doesn't complain or ever say he does it; in fact, even if you lived with us, you might never know it was him unless you asked.  But it always gets done.

start it every evening + wipe the counters after dinner - My parents go to bed every night with a clean kitchen.  I have never seen them clean up a mess one day that was made the day before at dinner.  I never thought much about that until I had my own kitchen.  Now, every night when I think, "Man, I'm tired... I'll just do this tomorrow," I also think, "How do Mom and Dad do this every night?!"

be intentionally friendly at church - What I didn't share from my journal on the day I shared this goal was that I made it 100% with my mom in mind.  She is the friendliest person!  It seems like everyone at church knows who she is / knows her and loves her.  She is not one to wallow in feeling friendless or leave immediately after a meeting so she doesn't have to socialize; she looks for those who need her friendship (and anyone else) and gives it!  I know she's not always in the mood to do any of this, but she does it.

make dinner every day - Growing up, we almost never ate not home-cooked food.  "Eating out" was buying 14 Happy Meals on the day they were on sale for a dollar.  Every once in a while we'd order pizza.  I respect this a lot about my parents - it's hard to cook every day!

plan for eating out - Like I said, "eating out" was $1 Happy Meal Day, not any day my mom didn't feel like cooking.

be a visiting teacher - My parents are the best home/visiting teachers ever.  I don't know if either of them have ever missed a month.  It never seemed like it.  And it's not just checking something off - Dad gives teachees rides to church when they need it, Mom calls to check up when she feels like she needs to or if they miss church, and they both always seem to know what's going on with their teachees.  They take the responsibility seriously.

say personal prayer before bed - I cannot even begin to guess how many times I have walked in on them saying their personal or couple prayer at bedtime.  Mom, Dad, have you ever missed once?! :)

exercise every weekday - My mom is one of the best examples of exercise in the entire world to me.  You know how people say, "Exercise!  If it's hard at first, it'll get better, because you will start to notice how GREAT you feel after you exercise!"?  My mom's hips hurt after exercise.  She never feels good after exercising.  But she knows it's good for her and tries to take care of her body.  She exercises every weekday.  And I always brag about my dad.  He could run marathons, easy.  He just doesn't because entry fees are non-refundable and you never know what could come up and cause you not to be able to go do it.  Haha.  But he used to run marathon distances just for fun.  "We just ran up to the airport and back.  Yeah, I guess it was probably about 20 miles or so."  He's so modest. :)

enjoy time with my family + strengthen family relationships - My parents are all about this.  Mom's especially vocal about it :) but strengthening our family has always been a priority.

go on dates with Joel - My parents date all the time!

learn to love (and hopefully be good at) being Primary Chorister - I'm pretty sure every person who ever had my mother as their Primary Chorister remembers it fondly.  She LOVES this calling.  When I called to tell her I had it, she was jealous.  She is fun but knows how to keep control, and she works the Spirit and the gospel into everything.  None of this "Use a picture of a bodybuilder to stand for the word "strong"" stuff.  :)

brush my teeth at night + floss once a day - How many people do you know who floss twice a day EVERY DAY?  Well, you can up your tally by one, because MY DAD.  Every day, people.  Think about that next time you get in trouble at the dentist for not doing it once a day.    

help my family + be a good parent - I cannot even say how much my parents do for our family, or how great of parents they are, so I'm not going to try.  Suffice it to say, they were the inspiration for these two goals.

incorporate the above goals as a mother - Did I mention that they did all of these things while we were growing up?  :)



Dear Mom and Dad,
I'm sure you don't think you're perfect, but you might be the only ones.

Love,
Everyone

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In one swift, fluid motion, Neville broke free of the Body-Bind Curse upon him; the flaming hat fell off him and he drew from its depths something silver, with a glittering, rubbed handle - 

With a single stroke Neville sliced off the great snake’s head…

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

last year's resolutions

Hello!  I haven't done an update on my resolutions since August, but not because I haven't been working on them!  It's mostly because I was out of town for almost the whole month of September and then got a foster placement and then in October got another one.  Things have been busy around here.  :)  But here's a quick update:

September - I put all my energies into helping my family as we moved my grandma out of her house and into a new place.  

October - I honestly can't remember.  Maybe I didn't have a goal that month?

November - My goal was to feel good about myself as a mom, as this was really the first time I'd been one.  This wasn't my goal because I'd previously felt bad about myself as a mom; I just know a lot of moms do and I never wanted to start.

December - All of my previous goals had been done as someone with no children.  Children busy life up a lot, so my goal this month was to incorporate the year's goals as best as I could with children.  It was hard, I definitely wasn't perfect, and I know how I want to improve this year, but I'm happy that I figured out how to be better at so many things before having kids.  I think it made this month a little easier.

And now... for the big reveal........

I told you in January that I'd be making small goals each month in order to reach an overarching goal.  I also told you that goal was too personal to share - as in, I wanted to accomplish it by myself, without reminders or pressure from others - but at the end of the year, I'd tell you what it was.

No one knows this.  (Even my husband.)

Are you ready?

Drum roll please...

Get ready for the sap fest!

My goal for 2014 was to become more like my parents.  :)

It's sparkling grape juice, I promise. Also, aren't my parents great selfie takers?

My mom and dad are the best parents in the entire world.  Probably the best people in the entire world.  In my completely unbiased opinion.  :)  Joel and I spent Christmas 2013 at their house, and the whole time I was there I noticed habits they had that I wished I did.  Their house runs so well!  Their habits seem more perfect than any other family's I know.  (Theirs is the only house I've lived in, so I don't know what any others are like.  Maybe yours is great, too.:)  I have always admired these things about them, but for some reason, it was in my mind ALL THE TIME during that vacation and after we got home.  So when 2014 started, my mind was full of things I wanted to do like them and my overarching goal was born.  I wrote a list of ways to improve, spread them out through the year, and worked all year to accomplish them.  I also said in January that "this resolution is more important to me than some, and more possible than many, and I know how happy I will be if I keep it..."  I didn't reach my goals perfectly, and many of them only lasted the one month, but I still work hard at them every day!  I don't think a day ever goes by that I don't ask myself what one or both of my parents would do in my situation.  They are amazing.

Told you it'd be a sap fest.  :)

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The door that led to the kitchens was blasted off its hinges.  The house-elves of Hogwarts swarmed into the entrance hall, screaming and waving carving knives and cleavers, and at their head, the locket of Regulus Black bouncing on his chest, was Kreacher, his bullfrog’s voice audible even above this din: “Fight! Fight! Fight for my Master, defender of house-elves!  Fight the Dark Lord, in the name of brave Regulus!  Fight!”

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows